This round of echo, doesn’t have my best photography.
It’s not beautifully illustrated.
There aren’t any amusing anecdotes.
The writing, well.. it resides on the crappy end of my skills.
But it has a part of me; a genuine piece of my heart.
A few weeks ago, heck..maybe months now.. a friend & I were on a photo excursion; travelling the back roads of North Carolina, when we happened to stumble upon the most amazing, artistic place.. Vollis Simpson’s Whirlygig Farm.. we hadn’t expected it, nor had we heard of him at the time.. it was a treasure to behold .. a true surprise. That adventure and amazing artwork was what I had planned to post and tell you all about today.. but life threw me my own heartbreaking surprise on Sunday.
I awoke to find my sweet Sadie doggie trapped under a chair, ears pinned back, terrified ..body trembling.. unable to stand up. She had been struggling to stand more frequently these last few weeks, a combination of severe arthritis and muscle mass loss. This time though, even with my help, she couldn’t stand nor could she walk. Her body was ridden with tumors and cysts, she was having seizures, her sight and hearing almost gone, and we believe cushings plagued her. Her senility was increasingly becoming worse.. along with a host of other troubles.
I knew instinctively that morning as she was quivering that it was time to let her go. She had already lost so much quality to her life, I couldn’t let her lose her dignity too. It devastated me to take her to the emergency vet and put her down. It shattered my heart and stole my breath when she looked me in the eyes and licked me ever so tenderly, right as she was leaving this world.. I feel so terribly lost and haunted by it all right now.. I type this through tears. I am wrestling with my decision, struggling with the morality of it…
and above all else..
Life goes on however, and working through this is my reality right now. There are reminders of her everywhere here… I didn’t know how not to share, as she was and is a huge part of my heart. It is as hard, if not harder on me than losing the humans I love in my life.. Sadie saved me, literally.. time and time again. She loved me unconditionally, and as dogs are so good at – she always, always forgave me without fail. I feel as if a huge chapter of my life has now ended, and I need to learn to live without her; the one constant in my life.
So very, very tough.
I have a sort of personal policy to not blog when I am this down. I don’t like how negativity is contagious, I don’t like the reminder of the pain and I don’t really like how it can translate to some as a sort of ‘pity me’ moment to folks. I don’t like making people feel uncomfortable either so please accept my apologies if any of these things ring true.
So, that is my ‘surprise’ this week. I suppose, not all surprises are welcomed ones, but they too serve their purpose. My emotions are raw, I am a bit on edge.. however, I am pushing through. I am beginning to come to terms with it and slowly finding my peace. I am oh-so-grateful that I had nearly a year longer with her than I thought I would have, so thank you Dr. Jon for giving me that amazing gift.
(click photo to see it larger)
Once again, I find myself awed at how well our photos complement one another and how relevant both the prompts and the diptychs become to my life. The photo of mine is Sadie (circa 1999) & a young boy I was close to at the time.. I love the reminder of the happiness she bestowed upon so many people. Susan’s cupcake is reminiscent of a celebration.. it gently reminds me that I don’t want to dwell on the loss..
….that I want to celebrate Sadie’s life.
So that is exactly what we shall do. Instead of offering condolences, won’t you surprise me with amusing or heartfelt stories about your sweet furbabies?
A quick recap:
- Go visit Susan’s Week 4 post for our other diptych.
- New Flickr Group for the collab. ~ Join Us! Find a partner there, read the guidelines and more!
- Add the new Echo button (susan’s awesome design) to your blog if you’d like! Get the code here.
- Catch Up on Week 1 -Emerge , Week 2- Decorate & Week 3- Abundance.
- See how others have interpreted the prompts in the week 1, week 2 & week 3 roundups.
I can’t wait to see what you in have store for Week 4 of Echo– Surprise. We invite each of you to participate in the project and show us your unique vision, your voice, your echo. Remember, to share your link in the comments here so I can add it to the roundup next Wednesday.
I promise to share about my adventure to the whirlygig farm soon.